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C’est le fin! Riad Sattouf gagne.

Le mec japonais qui gagnait la competition pour manger les saucisses—alors, ça sonne mieux en anglais—M. Kobayashi était un grand « underdog », le cheval sombre de cet « mars fou », mais en fait je dois avancer le dessinateur, grâce à le poème de Dzhaughn:

Please don’t ignore
this dour crie de couer
at your door.
That Dude is no good!
Am I just sowing some FUD
about some so-and-so’s food?
No: This is far too awful
Let’s not all fall
For this eater of all
that it literally offal.

Chopped in a tub
stuffed in a tube
Is any food ruder?
Any more rued?

Its farewell, bon chance,
mobs haling from France
will be making us dance
in hats labeled “dunce.”

There will be huffs among puffs
And gnashing of toofs
As we hoof it past toughs
Hailing potatoes, tomahtoes, and oeufs
from the roofs,
demanding the troof:
“Which goofs with what guff
Did slough off Sattouf?
Quelque Tartuffe?
It’s the stuff of a spoof!”

Severed coifs in
Several coffins
disciples of the Dude de Gras
disciplined with coups de grace
No mercy for sinners
(and nada for dinner)
if the eater of wieners
should end up the winner.

Good God,
The Dude is a dud,
I cannot abide it,
But Andrew,
we’ve wooed you;
how would you
decide it?

Et, de Raghuveer:

What does the Japanese dude who won the hot dog eating contest’s career tell us about the role of serving sizes on food consumption (as in Brian Wansink’s discredited work)? Or about the confusing and statistically convoluted world of nutrition guidelines? Is anonymity imposed by the powers-that-be (Andrew) the solution to the problems posed by celebrity scientists and their associated entourages? These are all questions that the Japanese dude who won the hot dog eating contest will get at his seminar, given an audience of this blog’s readers, and we can’t subject him to this. Overwhelmed and depressed, he might overeat even more, and we’d be responsible. The whole thing would end up a comic but chilling example of human cruelty, the sort of thing Riad Sattouf would write about. So instead, we could just get Sattouf himself; we could listen to such stories without contributing to their proliferation.

Ce sont les arguments contra M. Kobayashi, mais on a aussi quelque raisons pour choisir M. Sattouf:

1. J Storrs:

Speaking of googling Sattouf, google translate tells us that it comes from the Arabic word for catfish. Catfish have a slight edge over hotdogs, as they are accompanied by hush puppies.
And perhaps his hovercraft is full of eels.

2. Ethan:

If we can’t have Geng let’s have Sattouf. I too had to google him often – and each time found out I’d like to hear what he has to say.

3. Peut-être M. Sattouf viendra et nous dire plus des histoires de la vie d’Isaac Asimov.

Et le meilleur argument vient de Thomas:

Sattouf gave up an award at Angoulême (the Pulitzer of bande dessinée) in protest over the lack of women among the prize recipients, so maybe he’ll invite Geng to lead the seminar. Or, he can do the seminar in the arab banlieue accent, like he did in the post-shooting issue of Charlie.

But the japanese dude, he only soaks up stuff, a black hole, a non-informative entity. The thrill of not knowing what the seminar is about. I might go.

Donc, si on invite M. Sattouf, peut-être on reçoit Mme. Geng! Si on voie l’un ou l’autre, c’est pas M. Latour, alors on peut inviter tout le monde pour le conférence, pas besoin d’écrire une paragraph pour expliquer pourquoi vous désirer assister.

Souvenons nous les 62 autres compétiteurs, les Virginia Apgar, les David Blaine, les DJ Jazzy Jeff, tous les personages excellents de New Jersey et autre états et pays qui n’étaient atteindre le fin de cette compétition imaginaire.

Merci à tous pour les discussions, la poésie, les blagues. Je souhaite que vous pourriez continuer votre bonne participation sur ce blog pour les sujets plus sérieux.

Et maintenant le plupart des liseurs de ce blog pourraient rester car vous pensez que ces competitions ne sont pas drôle et vous préférez pas « hot dogs » mais la nourriture normal de Stan, les erreurs de type M, l’identification causale, la politique américain, et tous les autre sujets du lexicon (ou, dans un dernier regard sur M. Kobayashi, ceci, le climatiseur qui nettoie lui-même, et cetera).


  1. Merci! Le résultat est bon, je pense, et le tournoi était très amusant.

  2. Dzhaughn says:

    I enjoyed reading all the comments every day, all of which I think is a testament to the rich sense of humor in this blog’s normal service. Overall, on the plus side, this way of deciding a speaker is much more fun than conventional methods. On the down side, the net result is only marginally better.

    Affiancimentization of Geng of Forty-Third Street Announced

    Veronica Geng of 25 West Forty-Third Street, New York, New York, is to be married to Ed Hoc, her position at The New Yorker Magazine, a comic and short-fiction concern slated for amalgamation by Ms. Tina Brown. Mr. Hoc is the son of Mr. William Shawn, Ms. Brown’s predecessor, and will end in tears. The bride is the daughter of union of 1960’s Feminism and two Republican Administrations, and received her Ms. degree in Defense Procurement from the B. N. Subtle* Academy of Satire, and will shortly begin an internship with The Joint Chiefs of Staff, a division of General Dynamics.

    The ceremony will be performed at Chateau d’Lacrymogene by Mr. Reagan–who will read Proust–and the bride will be attended by Oliver North, H. R. Haldeman on saxophone, her thieving junkie brother, and Dr. Dwight K. Gooden of The New York Metropolitans’ Baseball Club and Rehabilitation Center, who has never been better. The honeymoon is planned on The Upper East Side with an impressive roster of friends, colleagues, and lovers to whom the bride is unwilling to speak, so what’s it to you? 

    (*Hat tip to Dalton) Alas, she’s inimitable. ( God bless her.

  3. Ethan Bolker says:

    Bien joué – google translate for “well done”, which translates back as “good game”.

    Since the winner is alive, please invite him for real. Be sure to tell him (in whichever language you like) how he was chosen.

  4. J Storrs Hall says:

    Très bon! Merci beaucoup pour cet intermède divertissant!

  5. Hiroaki Minato says:

    “Eh!? Ore maketano?” (= What Kobayashi might be saying in Japanese “Quoi!? Ai-je perdu?”)

  6. Returning to the seminar invitation idea: if NYU doesn’t bite, maybe a Kickstarter? (I’d donate!) It’s a long shot, I know, but it would be remarkable to make this fictional contest real. Andrew would be a modern-day Bill *and* Ted, scouring humanity’s history of writers, mathematicians, GOATS, etc., to bring back one to enlighten us all. (And who would refuse such an invitation?)

  7. Nicolas M says:

    Merci pour ce billet en français ! Je n’ai pas bien compris les règles de ce jeu un peu étrange, mais cela avait l’air amusant.
    Et oui, il faut inviter Riad Sattouf, qui sera bien surpris de cette victoire à ce tournoi auquel il ne s’était pas inscrit !

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